What is going on? Nothing, I’m “fine”. Heard that one? Yeah, me too. And I also said it multiple times and yet, I was never fine. I needed a friend, just a hug or something, but I was afraid, shy and embarrassed to ask for help.
Everybody in life wants to have friends, some of us aspire to have as many friends as we can, others want just a few of them, but very good ones. And both attitudes are okay and valid. It’s your choice.
Everybody wants to be a good friend, we want to meet with our other friends, talk, get a beer or a coffee (or tea), go on trips together, have fun etc. But as we all know, life isn’t fun all the time. Life is often hard and difficult and often friends are there to support us, however some of our friends can understand us more than some others. With some good friends, we feel more comfortable telling them our troubles and stories of our lives. And this whole essay aims to remind you to check on these friends more often.
Why, do you ask? Let me explain. These friends are often affected by listening to your troubles, we often think about your issues more than of about our own. There is nothing wrong with that, yet we can feel overwhelmed, exhausted and mentally depleted quicker and more often than other people. We are the Givers and to those you can give your issues and we sort of absorb them. The issue is, that we find it difficult to get rid of those feelings and emotions. We see the bad side of the world more than the good side and we can suffer from depression, anxiety way more often than other people (key word: can).
These Givers, we have experienced unbalanced amount of give/take actions in our lives and we struggle to ask for help, because we are used to figuring it on our own. And there’s the issue. On our own. My mindset is that I don’t want to talk about my feelings or issues because I think I annoy and burden my friends with it, because I know they have issues on their own. Okay, that’s not entirely true. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I struggle to do it and I often feel embarrassed because of it. I will do my best to avoid talking about my feelings by responding: “I am fine.” or “Everything is okay, nothing new.” etc.
This picture is an accurate representation of what I am talking about. There’s just so much going on that usually people like me will rather just say: I’m fine, instead of one of those.
And yes, it can be a huge psychological issue and we need help, but often we might not realize, we might not see it until it’s just too late for us to act. That’s why you should check up on your friends. If they hit you with “I’m fine”, don’t believe them. Ask about what’s going on, tell them how awesome they are, tell them you love them and that you are there for them anytime they need you. Why? Because it takes one person to save somebody else’s life. And imagine if you would believe them and they would kill themselves a week or two days after. But they said they were fine, that would probably be a thought you would think at that point. Depression is called a “silent killer” for a reason. Don’t lose a friend just because you didn’t dig a bit deeper.
You might think this is banal or just some form of bullshit, but do your research, there are countless cases when a person killed themselves because they thought they were alone. And yes, we might feel lonely, but please, make sure that your friends know they aren’t alone. Friends support each other and they should help each other. Even just a text saying: hey, i hope your ok. if not, let me know, ’cause i’m here for you. That’s all it takes. This. This can save a life.
Be a friend and take care of your friends, especially if they ever took care of you. Please.
I am at my lowest point right now and I am writing this to promote mental health awereness, because majority of people silently struggling know how to smile and say “I’m fine.”, yet we hope somebody will take a closer look and figure it all out. When I am listening to you about your struggles and issues, it just piles up with my own stuff and sometimes, it’s just too much and then it hits hard. Ignoring friends, family, shutting down, sleeping during the day, lack of energy… so many of symptoms. I know that I will eventually be okay, but that’s future and my present time sucks. Just let us know that you’re here for us, because it helps.
Thank you for reading.